Greenwood High School (high school rp story)

Okay, I hope "Greenwood High" is okay with you guys! Obviously we can't call it original roleplaying high school. I figure we could each right a few paragraphs and then the other two read and edit any mistakes they see or add detail, etc. Okay, so this is the first two paragraphs I got. I'm not sure if Rena seems in character, or if the first paragraph is interesting enough, so let me know and edit if needed, once this is approved, then we can continue :3

Greenwood High School had just been built, brick by brick, by a rich family known as the Mars family. Upon building the new school, it would be open for its first year, bringing students from other schools into the new building. From the outside, the school appeared to be a normal high school, filled with students that you could find at any school. However, this school was anything but ordinary. Peek into the lives of students who face hardships you could never imagine, the romance, the friendships, and the challenge of trust.

Rena, a girl sixteen years of age, was walking to school and was just arriving at the front staircase near the entrance, outside of the school. Her blonde hair was pulled back into even pigtails, and her bright eyes looked at the school in amazement. It was absolutely huge. She had been nervous about her first day, since it meant making new friends and getting to know a new school.

How about instead of "Rena, a girl of sixteen years of age," you put "Rena, a girl of sixteen." You don't need to say years of age.

And how about "was among the first arrive" instead of all that "just arriving at the front staircase near the entrance." Short and sweet, neh? Better to use a few specific words. And "was verb-ing" is rather passive.

And instead of "since it meant making new friends and getting to know a new school" how about "since it meant meeting new people and getting around a new school." The first makes it sound like A. She's replacing old friends she'll never see again (which, unless she moved far, far away that that really is the case, you don't want to do that) and B. Getting to know a new school makes the school sound alive. Unless it's Hogwarts, that doesn't work.

Otherwise, I like what you've got so far. Mostly me just being picky.

^ Agrees with Destiny

I guess it'd be fine if she just moved into town or something, though.

Well the school is brand new, which is why she has to meet new people. Anyway, Destiny, feel free to edit that in ^^ *is still on drugs*

Want me to just copy/paste anything we write into a word document for editing and easy access later?

Yes please :3

Destiny is good at organizing this kind of stuff lol. XD

All edited. Here's what I've got:


Greenwood High
Greenwood High School had just been built, brick by brick, by the rich and powerful Mars family. The school finished, it was now open for its first year, bringing students from other schools into the new building. From the outside, the school appeared perfectly normal, filled with students that could be found in any other school.

Rena, a girl sixteen, was among the first to arrive at the decorated entrance. Her blonde hair was pulled back into even pigtails, and her bright blue eyes looked at the school in amazement. It was absolutely huge. She had been nervous about her first day, since it meant meaning new people and navigating a new school.

*a girl of sixteen

Oh, okay. Derp.

We all have derp moments. XD

Looks good. Anyone can add to it. I think Destiny should add Seraphim running into Rena c:

Eh, maybe in a little bit. Not much in a writing mood at the moment after spending the last hour taking care of a phishing scam with my email. -_-

I could add on. I have the entire house to myself and complete silence for at least another hour and I am bored. XD

Go right on ahead. You know Seraphim by now.

Mmk, when you finish a few paragraphs, post it up. I'll try to update the forums tomorrow

The hallways were huge and filled with several students. Rena clutched the book that she was carrying close to her chest, feeling rather claustrophobic. Her old school was much smaller than this. It also didn’t help the fact that she was small (5’3” to be exact) and was getting run into by her taller peers who weren’t even half paying attention.

She finally managed to stumble upon her locker, thankful that it was a bottom one. Not only that, it was in an area that wasn’t as cluttered with students. At least she would have some peace today. With her right hand, she quickly fumbled with the combination. She opened it on the first try, then the shut the door, not really having anything in it to put in or even take out yet. She was thankful that it wasn’t jammed or anything. The locker at her old school had been such a pain.

She pulled out a piece of paper out of her pocket. It was her schedule. She wasn’t sure exactly where to go, but she figured she could manage. She didn’t really enjoy talking to others. But before she could move, something slammed into her and caused her to smack her face up against the lockers.

“Oh, no! I’m so sorry!” a small voice squeaked behind her.

Rena shook her head, recovering, before turning to see a girl standing behind her. The girl had blonde hair tied in pigtails like her own. She couldn’t help but laugh to herself. They almost looked like twins aside from their clothing of choice. The girl had a patch covering her eye, as well as small wings attached to her back. They looked like paper wings. Rena guessed she was a part of the artistic crowd or something.

“It’s fine. There are so many people…” Rena stated.

The other smiled, relieved that she was forgiven. “Y-Yeah. I tripped over my own two feet, though. I’m such a klutz. Once again, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Rena laughed. “Everyone has their clumsy moments. H-hey, do you happen to know where room 204 is by chance?”

“Oh! I think that’s the music room. I just past it. I have a class down there. Want to walk together? My name’s Seraphim, by the way. Seraphim Rose.”
“Sure. And my name is Rena Patrick. Seraphim. That’s a really pretty name,” Rena complimented.

Seraphim beamed. “Well, let’s get going. The bell will ring soon!”

Good except for the things I usually change when we cowrite. ^_~

I don't mind lol.

Neither do I, editing is good :3

I like it. So, maybe we can introduce Temari to be in the same class as Rena. Will that be okay?

That's fine. ^^

Mmk, I'll add in Temari now c:

The two walked down the hall together until they reached the music room. Before Seraphim left to go to her class, Rena stopped her and asked,

"Do you want to sit with me at lunch today?"

"Sure! I'd love to!" Seraphim answered before departing her. She was glad that Rena didn't question her eye patch or strange appearance.

Rena entered the music room to find several students within. She then noticed a girl with light brown hair, tied up in a bun that rested loosely to the back of her head. She had bright blue eyes and was excitingly talking to everyone around her. She seemed approachable, so she took a seat down beside her,

"Uh, hello. How are you?" She asked, hoping to start up conversation.

"Hiya! I'm Temari Eokc! I'm great! It sure is a big music class! I can't wait to play an instrument, even though I've never played any before," Temari responded with a bright, excited smile, "what's your name?"

"My name is Rena Patrick. It's nice to meet you," She then blinked a minute in thought, "wait, you joined a music class even though you've never played an instrument?" She asked, studying the girl in the white dress, with a simple blue wide ribbon across the waist.

"Yup! I figured, why not? It can't be that hard!" She replied determined.

Temari playing an instrument a disaster in the making? XD

FYI, Gold, despite what Twilight says, pointless details don't win Pulitzers. There's no need to describe what anyone's wearing unless it stands out, like Seraphim's eye patch.